On Resilience - Or How Not to Fall Apart When Things Go Wrong
‘Resilience’ is derived from the Latin word ‘resilio’,
which means ‘to jump back’ (Webb, x). Here are some suggestions which might
help you to do that:
Bibliography
John B. Arden Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life (Hoboken, New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons, 2010).
Liggy Webb, Resilience: How to Cope When Everything Around You Keeps Changing (Chichester: Capstone Publishing, 2013).
© Elizabeth Burns, 2014
- Look after yourself to the best of your ability. Get as much sleep as you need, eat nutritious and appetising food, and walk for at least 20 minutes each day. Don’t drink excessive amounts of alcohol (alcohol is a depressant), and avoid valium and/or valerian (found in some herbal teas and remedies) if they make you depressed.
- Wear bright colours, pay attention to your appearance, and smile even if you don’t feel like it (Arden, 51). This can trick your mind into thinking that it feels more cheerful than would otherwise have been the case.
- Try relaxation exercises (e.g. progressively tensing and relaxing of each group of muscles in turn), and/or meditation (e.g. focussing on each breath in and each breath out, bringing the mind back to the breath every time it wanders away).
Keep a diary of your thoughts and write a few lines every day - or at least every time you feel particularly stressed. This may help you to get your problems out of your head, and enable you to see whether there is any course of action which might improve the situation, and what your priorities are. You don't have to show your diary to anyone else, or even keep it; it's the act of writing which may be beneficial. Some people think that it's best to write by hand, because typing distances you from your thoughts (Mark Gatland, The Cambridge Counsellor). - List all the positive aspects of the situation. Even if the thing itself is bad, most situations have at least some positive aspects. Try to think of ways in which you might be able to turn the negative situation into a positive one.
- Find something good and/or useful which you can still do.
- Find something which you can still be grateful for – i.e. develop ‘an attitude of gratitude’ (Webb, 12).
- Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If one part of your life is going badly, do what you can to address the problems, but also devote time and energy to at least one other area of your life and focus your thoughts on the good things which are associated with that.
- Devote a set amount of time each day – or week – to the problem/s, but also schedule leisure time which provides a distraction and is enjoyable (reading, listening to or playing music, watching comedy programmes, etc), and/or may be productive or useful to others.
- Maintain or make connections with others. Make the most of opportunities to socialise, even if they don’t appeal to you, as you may feel better afterwards.
- By all means talk through your problem/s with others but try not to do it all the time – especially if there are no new developments, and you have already discussed a range of possible solutions. Your family and friends may find it increasingly difficult to think of suitable responses, and you will feel more depressed about the situation if you keep ‘telling its story’ over and over again.
- Remember that ‘It will pass, whatever it is’ (displayed at Reception, Addenbrookes Hospital, Cambridge, UK).
Bibliography
John B. Arden Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life (Hoboken, New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons, 2010).
Liggy Webb, Resilience: How to Cope When Everything Around You Keeps Changing (Chichester: Capstone Publishing, 2013).
© Elizabeth Burns, 2014